Take that Chuck Norris!

A friend posted this recently on her Facebook status, "I never wanted an easy life. I pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee

After our pre-operative evaluation yesterday at UC Davis, I'm finally at peace with my kidney disease. I never thought I would be and if you had asked me a year ago, the answer would've been a definitive NO! For months, I've been plagued with anxiety, fear really. I was terrified by the unknown. I'd ask, "What's happening to me? What's going to happen to me?" All the information I was getting from the experts seemed unreal. I would hear them, but the information was garbled, like in a dream, they were talking to me, explaining my situation, but the only thing that came in clearly were my own angry thoughts, "Why me? Why now? What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?"

It call came clear yesterday. The pre-operative evaluation was nothing more than another last-minute evaluation, a check-up before the big day Monday. The messages were the same, the risks, the explanations, the doctors, the surgeons, the nurses, the counselors. But for some reason, this time, it was different. Maybe the fact that I shook the hand of the man who was going to play a big part in saving my life, could've had something to do with it. It's crazy to want to thank a stranger profusely for something he has yet to do.

I've never believed in signs. But there were two yesterday that I couldn't ignore. I have been more nervous than anxious about my surgery. I have never had major surgery before let alone a minor one. The signs were in the form of a mother and daughter. The mother had donated her kidney to her daughter just two months ago. We bumped into them as we were leaving UC Davis. They were back for their check-up, they were beaming. They gave us some insight into what we're about to endure. They said the recovery is going to be a difficult one, it's going to hurt and it's going to be slow. Despite what they said, it gave me a sense of comfort. I can't explain why, but it did. My nervousness seemed to float away.

And it was at that moment, Bruce Lee's quote became clear. I realized the lesson I was meant to learn. All this time, up until yesterday, I would have never have categorized my life as an easy one. But my health has given me a new perspective. All this time, my life had been easy... a breeze really. I have never had to endure real loss, never had to go hungry, never had to deal with violence, never had to deal with abuse. I will be living a difficult life now, one that will be plagued with medications, the strictest of diets and numerous check-ups. I learned the things I've "never had" were things I've always wanted... to avoid loss, avoid going hungry, avoid abuse, etc.

Bruce Lee was a wise man :)

Now on to the logistics...

Many of you have been asking about the surgery and visitation. Rob and I will be reporting to surgery at 5:30am. We will both be prepped, but he will go in first. His surgery will take about 4-5 hours. I will go in 2 hours after him. Once they remove his kidney, they'll place it in me in an adjoining room. My surgery will take about 4 hours. The doctors expect us to be done around 3pm. The remainder of the time will be taken up by prep and recovery time.

Doctors say visitors are welcome. But there are restrictions, ONLY healthy people are allowed into the recovery wing. If you have a trace of a sniffle, they will not allow you to come inside for obvious reasons. My immune system is severely compromised by the surgery and from the medications. Another restriction is monitoring my rest. The nurses have strict orders to keep me well-rested so they told me to let all of you know to not be surprised if they turn you away if they feel that I need more rest.

But if you still want to make the trip, here's the info:

UC Davis Medical Center - 2315 Stockton Blvd.Sacramento, CA 95817

I want to thank you all as best I know how, even though I don't know how to truly thank you properly for the love and support I've gotten from you. Thank you for all the support via phone calls, texts, emails, hugs, wall posts, and oatmeal raisin cookies :) I could not have gotten through this difficult journey without each and every one of you.

Thank you for riding shotgun with me on this bumpy ride.

I think I shall name my new kidney Bruce... take that Chuck Norris!

The Way of the Sword

Kendo... the Way of the Sword. I never thought that something I have never experienced nor watched live would teach me something so profound.

Today is my first day working from home. It was not by choice, it was encouraged by my doctor, mandated by my boss. My surgery is scheduled in a mere two weeks. For now, I need to stay as healthy as possible. Well... as healthy as it can be possible for me. Even a little cold could send me to the ER and delay my surgery.

The option of working from home was always there. Thankfully, I work for a company that has been beyond accomodating. But I always saw it as defeat... to say I can't handle it and thus needing to work from home. I took for granted the mundane motions of getting ready for work. When you had no choice, it was seen as a chore, something you'd dread when the alarm clock goes off early Monday morning. But when I'm not allowed to go to work, as you can imagine, all I wanted to do this morning was... go to work.

There have been numerous lessons I've learned on this journey. I call it a journey because it's temporary. Like a coat I'm wearing for a little while. It changes how I look, how I feel, sometimes it can be heavy on my shoulders, but in the end, I will take it off and it will hang in my closet as a simple reminder...

Right when I feel defeated... I am once again smacked in the face with another lesson. Kendo... the way of the sword. Much like all Japanese traditions, honor and humility permeate in everything they do... even in defeat. In Kendo, the winner and the loser don't celebrate nor get angry when they win or lose.

They're measured not by how they fall but how they've carried themselves... by how they get up. And that is how I plan to measure myself through this journey.